My Arranged Marriage

Ellie at her classiest...

We met for the first time in July 2011. Nobody told us about the other. We just happened to be sitting next to each other chatting when we realized – we were about to embark on an experience that neither of us could have predicted – we were entering an arranged marriage. I mean, I grew up in a small city in South Alberta (insert joke about the religious leanings of my home town here). She grew up in Eastern Europe (insert joke about mail order brides from Eastern Europe here) and came to Canada as a teenager. Neither of us thought that we would succumb to the life of an arranged marriage, but here we were. 

I was bound and determined to teach Ellie the basics of rugby.
I realised this past weekend, I only partially succeeded. 

Sitting in that room in Gatineau, chatting, we realized that Ian, not my parents, not her parents, but Ian of the CBA had set us up. The next time we would see each other, after only having spend a handful of hours together, the next time we met, would be it. That would be the day it would become official. We would be sent away to Durban, South Africa. And there was not much we could do about it. I think we both left Ottawa hoping that things would work out for the best. I mean really, who knows how such an arrangement could end up? From bliss to disaster really I guess. And so we were on our way…our experience in an arranged marriage.

Hiking the the Berg.

Ok, all joking aside, this is my little “Ode to Ellie”. If you’ve been following my blog since September, you will have noticed the constant companion in my life for the past seven months. Ellie and I met, like I said above, on the first day of training in Ottawa last July. We just happened to sit next to each other. She promptly asked where I was going, I said I didn’t know for sure, but it looked like Durban. She said she was going to Durban. In reality I think she was still in the slight state of flux waiting for her placement to be confirmed, but whether the CBA liked it or not, Ellie was going to Durban.

By mid-internship, we had perfected the jumping. 

I arrived on the plane from Dubai three days after Ellie had arrived via Washington and Dakar. When I came out of the arrivals gate, it took me a minute before I saw this girl waving her arms and saying, “Oh, I’m so glad you are here!” I didn’t recognize her at first. When we had met before she had blond hair, now it was brown. But we made our way back to the place we were ‘temporarily’ staying (this turned into our long term residence). I have to say, Ellie’s sentiments that first day, the I’m so glad you are here, were the emotions repeated on numerous occasions; the good and the bad.

This was our first dinner together in Durban.

We’ve been through a lot together in the past seven months. Ellie has joined an eclectic group of people – Fede and Naama, Melanie and Simon, Tristan and Siobhan, Halina and the Wloka family, John and Jim, Jake and Katherine, and my mom and dad. If you’ve followed my travels before, you will recognize some of these names. Some were friends long before we shared an adventure, others have become life-long friends after sharing these adventures; and others will always be part of the memories I have of my adventures even if we don’t really keep in touch now. But, each of these people have shared an adventure with me; have shared a love of mine; have shared part of my life. And now there is Ellie.

LHR Christmas Party

I have to say, some of my favourite memories of my time here in South Africa with Ellie are the mundane - getting through the entire series of Sex and the City and almost up to the end of season 4 of Grey’s Anatomy or our trips down to Suncoast for fitness classes and our daily bus rides to and from work discussing what had happened that day or what was going to happen that day. But there are also those moments that will be forever special – climbing the ladders to the top of Tugela Falls; going on safari; adventuring into Lesotho; or learning to 'surf'. Like my many other travel partners, we have had moments that will always connect the two of us and will always be treasured.

Ladder up to the source of the Tugela Falls

The Amphitheatre in the Drakensberg

Chilling in Lesotho

At the top of Sani Pass with our mini Lesotho Hats

Beware of Lions, but still get the pose right. 

Our last SA adventure

We’ve also been through the not so great times – helping each other deal with our mugging, managing the fears of being in such a crime-ridden country, mourning the death of a family pet while so far away from home, and just missing our families and friends. Although we didn’t know each other hardly at all when we arrived in Durban in September, through the good and the bad we have really gotten to know each other, the good and the bad.

Christmas decorating in the Durban heat.

Celebrating birthdays far from home.

But what this is really about is saying thank you to Ellie. There are a million reasons that I need to thank this girl, but here are just a few. First, trying to explain my phobia of the legless creatures to others is sometimes a bit of a problem. Some people don’t seem to get what a phobia really is and how debilitating it can be. Ellie didn’t once question how bad it is and I know for a fact on at least one occasion was able to distract me when she saw an enemy species and ensure that I didn’t have a break down then and there (I had already had one earlier in the day when some jerk thought it would be funny to make comments about the animal just outside the door of the lodge). I feel like I reciprocated this care on a few occasions when creatures of many-legs made appearances at our apartment, my favourite incident being the jumpy bug. Second, Ellie made me eat much better than I ever would have had I been left to my own devices. Whether chicken stirfry, chicken drumsticks or spaghetti, we actually ate really well and that is all on account of Ellie. Finally, I want to say thanks for making my time in South Africa a wonderful experience despite some of our setbacks. It was so wonderful to have a flatmate who was so ready to adventure with me and anxious to experience what we could during our time here. And now maybe people here in Durban will stop talking about Gagan and start talking about the great adventures of Ali and Ellie.

King Shaka Day Festival

The sad/happy news is that although our arranged marriage worked out very well (I think we are in the running for the best CBA couple), our marriage will be coming to an end very soon. I think it will be official the moment her wonderful fiancee arrives in Ottawa on Friday. Cesar and Ellie, I wish you guys the very best with your upcoming wedding and even better in your lives together. Ellie, I will greatly miss you I'm sure over the coming months, but you will always hold an important spot in my adventures. And you never know, this may not be our last adventure together. Thanks for a wonderful seven months!

Cape of Good Hope

A perfect way to say goodbye to SA

After leaving the LRC on Tuesday, Ellie and I were getting ready for our last South African adventure. We had been told on numerous occasions that the Wild Coast was beautiful and that we should try to get down there, so on Wednesday morning, we were off to Chintsa. It was a long drive that turned out to be so incredibly worth it. We drove through Mandela's home town and got to experience some of the beauty of the Transkei. We arrived at the hostel around 3 and were pleased to see that we would have a cottage to ourselves for our 4 nights there.

Some of you will know that I had full intentions of learning to surf while I was in SA. Well, I didn't really meet that goal, but on Thursday morning, we were signed up for surfing lessons. We met our instructor and made our way to the beautiful beach. It was an absolutely wonderful morning for learning to surf - bright beautiful sunshine and waves that were small enough for beginners. We went through the safety briefing, had a few good laughs, and carefully listened to the instructions on how exactly we were supposed to go from beside the board, to on the board, to standing on the board. I think we were both pretty skeptical that this was going to work. So, with our shorty wetsuits on (the water there is much colder than the Durban water), we were out into the ocean. I was first - up onto the board, with our instructor holding the board to help me get lined up with a wave, then he lets go and says, up up. And, I never would have guessed this could happen - I was standing on the surf board. Crazy! I was pretty proud of myself. Once off the board (not particularly gracefully), I turned around just in time to see Ellie standing on her board. Yeah us! So the rest of the lesson wasn't quite as successful, but still a ton of fun. After an hour and a bit, Ellie and I were both exhausted and decided we would do the second half of our lesson the next day. We spent the rest of the day really enjoying being in such a beautiful place - a walk on the beach, lunch by the pool, and lots of time sitting reading in the sun. Late Thursday night, some more of the crew arrived - Mat and Carolyn from Grahamstown and Gloria from Windhoek.

Friday morning, we were up again for more 'surfing'. For me this second day went so much better. Ellie and I were sent right out while Gloria and Mat got their safety talk and instructions. It was a lot harder to do everything yourself without the help of somebody with a lot more experience, but I had a few moments of success and was actually able to catch a wave and get up on a few occasions. Again after about an hour, I was exhausted and had more than a few bruises forming, but had a ton of fun.

Lots of laughs while learning

Ok, so not the most beautiful thing - but I am standing (barely). 

And she wasn't sure she wanted to try surfing. 

Not really on a wave, but standing and in enough control to smile at Ellie. 

So very very tired. 

Next day, Mat and Gloria surfed again. My body was too sore.

Mat working on his paddling skills. 

Like Gloria, I found body surfing quite fun when the standing up wasn't working so well. 

That is one happy surfing girl 

Just had to throw this photo in - I may not be much of a surfer, but I can build a card castle. 

Anyways, the rest of the extra long weekend was spent at the beach, having a few drinks, and just enjoying getting to be with some of my South Africa people. It was the perfect way to end my time here. Gloria, Ellie and I drove back to Durban yesterday and the next day and a half will be spent finishing up (or maybe more starting and finishing) packing, saying some good byes and do last minute errands to get everything ready for the trip home. Thanks so much to all of you for following me along with my adventures while here in South Africa. I will have a few more SA postings before I let this trip go, but I guess this is the last one about an adventure. Sad. So, until the next adventure...

And thanks Ellie for most of these pictures.

For my LRC family

Although I haven't written a great deal about my actual time at the Legal Resources Centre (for a variety of reasons, but primarily an issue of confidentiality in the legal profession), through a number of posts you will have been introduced to some of my colleagues at the LRC. In the past six and a half months I was given a wonderful opportunity to work with one of the most prominent legal NGOs in South Africa. An NGO who has been involved in some of the most important human rights cases in the new South Africa. But beyond all the organizational stuff, I have also been given the opportunity to work with an amazing group of people who are dedicated to making South Africa a really great place. So, here is my little blurb about my colleagues.

Sorry for the blur - this is right after my camera took a tumble.
But this is part of our office celebrating 30 years of the LRC in Durban. 

First, I have to start with Mahendra. Mahen is our office director and has a rich history with the LRC in both the Jo'berg and Durban offices. He has great stories about times at the LRC with some of the eminent alumni - George Bizos, Arthur Chaskalson, and Chris Nicholson. He is a wealth of information about the struggle for human rights in South Africa, particularly under the 1996 Constitution. But Mahen also makes me laugh on a regular basis. We have great chats... sometimes about the differences between our countries (Mahen has been to Calgary before), where the law is going on a certain issue, the position we should be taking on a certain case, but also the more mundane chats (fish tanks and mobile phones to name a few). I think it took us a little while to figure each other out, but I think we ended up working very well together, being able to challenge each other on strategic decisions in some cases, or working to reason out a strategy in others. So Mahendra, thank you so much for my time here at the LRC and for helping to make me a better lawyer.

Second, to Asha. Those of you who follow my blog will remember Asha from previous posts and my complete and utter admiration for her. Asha is our office manager, but more importantly I think she is also our strongest connection to the past struggles for human rights in South Africa. Asha is a woman who has committed her life to making South Africa the kind of place that it is capable of being. This commitment has, at times, absolutely consumed her life. She is the kind of person who makes change happen and I have so much respect for her. Like Mahendra, Asha and I have had some wonderful chats, particularly during tea time (where we generally seem to be the first people there). She has taught me so much about what it means to be South African, but also what it means to be truly engaged in the society you live in, no matter where it is, and how important this engagement is. Of everything I have learned from Asha, I think this will be the most important.

Celeste, Sbahle and Asha

Willene is an attorney at the office. She is also someone who took Ellie and I in like family (particularly for Ellie at Christmas). Her areas of work are vast and she has provided me with some of the most interesting work that I have done during my time at the LRC. Willene is selflessly committed to her clients and working to ensure that the most vulnerable people in society are taken care of - whether it is young women being kidnapped and forced into marriages, disabled persons who should be recieving adequate housing from the state, or elderly persons who are not being given their proper pensions. I like to think that in many ways, Willene and I are very similar people. We like the tough questions, grappling trying to find an answer. We both realise that the answer is not always a legal answer, and sometimes a policy answer is more appropriate.  Willene, thank you so much for taking me in and becoming part of my South African family.

My office neighbour, Celeste, is one of the most bubbley and wonderfully full of life lawyers I have ever met. This is probably a really horrible thing to say, but the thing I will remember most about Celeste is the news coverage of a double murder. It's a long story, but the case involved the murder of a couple by two of their children and their daughter's boyfriend (they were found guilty just last week and sentenced yesterday). Anyways, the story is quite sensational, but Celeste and I were always quick to open the paper at tea time to see the latest about the crazy Lotter kids and the 'third son of God' (although we were having difficulty identifying who the second son was...). Anyways, Celeste, I have had such a great time working with you and will miss hearing the latest adventures of Migelle. Can't wait 'till you come visit! Or maybe I will meet you some place exciting!

This would be a regular thing at morning tea time.
Celeste is clearly shocked at some story in The Mercury.

Thandeka is, in many ways, the closest to me experience-wise. We were both admitted to the practice in 2011 and are still working with our training wheels a bit. That being said, the work that Thandeka does really helps so many people in their everyday. The most time I spent with Thandeka was on our recent school visits. Long hours in the car chatting about all kinds of things. Thandeka's time at the LRC is also coming to an end fairly soon, so we have both been dealing with the job hunt and commiserating on how much we hate Skype and telephone interviews (the worst). So Thandeka, wherever you end up, I am sure you are going to be a great attorney. Good luck!

Thandeka on a school visit

Our paralegal Ma Cathy is, like Asha, a wealth of knowledge and experience. She is the woman in our office who helps more people on a day to day basis than anyone else. Cathy is from Lesotho and I knew that if the people of her country were anything like her, I would absolutely love Lesotho (and I did). Cathy is always the first person into the office in the morning and always welcomes me with a wonderful smile and good morning. There just must be something about women named Cathy, with a C or a K, they seem to have constant smiles on their faces and make the world a much brighter place.

Zooh, Thandeka and Cathy

The Candidate Attorneys - Emma. Like Willene, Emma and her family have very much adopted Ellie and me. Whether shopping (and she is a terrible influence on me and my pocket book) or having a lovely meal somewhere, Emma and I have shared lots of work and non-work adventures alike. It was really the COP17 March case that brought Emma and I together in the work context. Spending a great deal of time at meetings with the Metro Police and the Municipality, being yelled at by police officers over the phone (we learned that sometimes being the one with the accent seems to help you out when you are telling people something they don't want to hear, but sometimes that is just because they don't understand you) or struggling to get all of the annexures in the right place along with the proper pagination. Anyways Emma, I'm sure this will not be the last I see of you. Who knows, maybe someday I will meet up with you guys in Paris.

Thabile. Oh my goodness. I have to say, Thabile is probably the person at the office who made me feel the most welcome, right from the start. In the first couple weeks we seemed to take a lot of adventures trying to serve documents on people or pick things up in Pietermaritzberg. During this time I got to know a lot about Thabile and also about the differences in culture that we have experienced. Thabile regularly makes me laugh with her latest comparison between the newest technologies, whether cars, phones or laptops. And we have had more than one discussion on the pluses and minuses of working at a corporate firm. So Thabile, wherever you end up and whatever you end up doing, I wish you the very best and hope that you finally decide on a new phone.

During my time with the LRC, there have been four other interns - Catherine, MK, Daniel and Thinn. Catherine was here for most of the first half of my internship, heading back to the States after the holidays. MK is from the East Cape, but an LLM student at UKZN and has been around my entire time here. Daniel, a native Durbanite (or should I say Pinetownian?) arrived from Michigan in February and will continue on for a month after I head home. Thinn is a very recent addition from the UK, having only arrived at the LRC the first full week of March. Each of these interns has brought something important to the LRC. I think working with other interns made me realise the important role that interns play at this office. We are not only here to research and write, but we are also expected to bring our different backgrounds to the discussions; to bring lessons learned. South Africa is a place that in the legal realm seems very willing to take lessons learned from other jurisdictions and that is probably where our role as foreign interns is the most important. I like to think that we also make the office a little more exciting.

Sbahle...I don't know what her exact title would be, but I will tell you she is one of those people that makes our office run so much better. Everyday Sbahle will quietly pass by your door and announce that tea is ready in the boardroom. And as you may have figured out, I really like tea time (even if I don't really drink tea). Sbahle and I also shared some laughs and frustrations when my office had a little waterfall in it. The smell was terrible and, as the water was coming through the light fixture, the room was probably not particularly safe, but Sbahle and I got the buckets out and tried to get the smell out of the room. For all the little things you do around the office (and obviously the big things too), thanks so much.

And to our receptionist - Zooh. One day Daniel and Emma asked me who I would miss most in the office. Knowing that they were actually asking which one of them I liked more, I said, in all honesty, that on a day to day basis the person that I wish I could take with me to any office I worked at in the future would be Zuziwe. She always has the brightest smile and a laugh to go along with it. She is one of those people who carries with her a love for life at all times and shares it with the people around her. She also has a wicked sense of style. Zooh, I will miss you a ton!

My time at the LRC has been a learning experience that I am so grateful for. I will be a better lawyer because of my time here. I also think that I will be a better person because of my time here. So, to everybody at the LRC, thanks so much for everything.

Animals, animals, animals! (And please save the rhino)

This past Saturday marked what is likely to be Ellie and I's last trip to see the animals. We were joined by Daniel, an intern at LRC with me, and Ben, an intern at the Human Rights Commission. We packed up for the drive up to Hluhluwe (and had a laugh or two about the various pronunciations we could come up with for haloo-haloo-wee (not the correct pronunciation)). We did have to make one quick stop at a local bottle shop for some beer. Ellie and Ben were staying in the car (apparently Ellie promptly locked all the doors once we got out). Daniel and I were greeted with a few wishes of Merry Christmas, and a few more of Happy New Year! We returned the wishes of happiness. Daniel then negotiated the two six packs for R100 when the girl announced that she only knew how much one of them was and would have to phone the owner about the cost of the other. R100 it is.

So we arrived at the Hluhluwe park gates and were ready for a game drive. It was Ben's first time on a game drive and the first time in a long time for Daniel. It was Ellie's third time at Hluhluwe in the past 6 months. Anyways, Ellie was in charge of the route, Daniel of driving, Ben snacks and me, watching for animals. I wasn't particularly good at my job this time. But we did have some pretty successful sightings. The highlight was actually probably a group of five giraffe. We were the only car and they seemed very okay with us being there. 

Giraffe seem to me to be one of those creatures that as a child seem almost made-up. They are so different from anything we have back home and really so different from any other creature. 

How can you not love that face?

Anyways, we also had some sightings of one of my favourite African creatures, again mainly because I find them quite amusing, particularly when they run with their little tails straight up in the air - warthogs. Whenever I see a warthog, two songs go through my head...

When he was a young warthog - When I was a young warthoooooog! - Very nice - Thanks - He found his aroma like a certain appeal, he could clear the savannah after every meal - I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick skinned, and it hurt that my friends never stood down wiiiiiiiind! And oh the shame - he was ashamed - thought a change in my name - oh what's in a name - and I got downhearted - how did you feel? - every time that I - hey, Pumba, not in front of the kids! - Oh sorry. 

And the second song - 

Are ya achin', yep yep, for some bacon, yep yep, he's a big pig, yep yep, you can be a big pig too! Oy!

Yes, I thank Disney's Lion King for the wonderful sound track that goes through my head on a regular occasion here. I just can't help it. The bonus this time was that Ben liked to sing the songs. 

Ok, on from the warthogs. We also saw a very large male elephant, along with an idiot German tourist who seemed to think it was a good idea to get out of his car to get closer to the elephant. Good plan sir. Daniel and I decided it would be appropriate to inform this man that not only was this a very poor decision, it was also against the law. It's kinda like the dumb tourists in Waterton who think getting out of the car to get a photo of a bear is also a good idea - not so people. Not so. (Sorry Dave, I don't mean that you are dumb, just a dumb moment).

So, although we saw a decent amount of large game, we also had some slow moments. Once you've been driving for half an hour and don't see anything, you start paying attention to two things - interesting trees (yeah, I know, but they make for some beautiful photos) and birds. Now, I am not a bird person. In fact, they kinda gross me out. Funny that my favourite animal is a bird, so maybe it is only the ones that have working wings that I don't really like. Penguins and ostriches get the ok from me. But here in South Africa, birds are a bit more exciting than the ones we have at home (a little more colourful) and if it is a slow game drive, bird spotting becomes more interesting. Plus, this time, we had Daniel, who actually knew the names of most of the birds. Don't know the name of this one, but I think it is pretty. In a yucky bird kind of way. 

After the game and bird watching, we made it to Hilltop Camp where we would stay for the night. It was a lovely braai for dinner thanks to Daniel, and Ellie as sous-chef. Plus we had smores and milk tart for dessert. Yum. 

Ben and I may have been a little less helpful - first going for a swim, Ben sorting out marshmallow sticks and me taking pictures. 

Day two - rain, but still some good sightings. 

Plus, more birds. 

But one of the real reasons to come to the Hluhluwe Game Reserve is to see a rhinoceros, or 11. Hluhluwe has one of the most successful rhino rehabilitation programs in the world, but really, this is a drop in the bucket. There are five species of rhino in the world, two native to Africa and three native to Asia. The African species, the black and the white rhino are both indigenous to the Hluhluwe area, although this trip we only saw white rhinos. All five species of rhino are listed as endangered, with three of the species being listed as critically endangered (including the black rhino). It is estimated that there are 17,000 white rhino still in the wild and only 2400 black rhino. I think the scariest thing is that rhino poaching only seems to be getting worse. I am often heard commenting about the happy animal stories, you know at the end of news casts when, after all the bad news, they report that some baby animal was born in some random zoo? Yeah, those stories. Unfortunately the news stories about animals here in SA, tend to be about the most recent incident of rhino poaching in Kruger or Hluhluwe or some private game park. In fact, already in 2012, 117 rhinos have been killed for their horns in SA alone. Last year the total was an all time high of 448 rhinos. If this year continues as is, last years total will once again be surpassed. 

The thing that makes me most angry about this, is that, in actual scientific fact, there is no use for the rhino horn. The horns are made of keratin. Yep, the same stuff as human hair and finger nails. And yet, some Asian cultures believe the rhino horn has certain medicinal properties - none of which have been scientifically proven. My suggestion - you can have all the hair in my hair brush and I will collect my nail clippings as well. We can grind them up just the same and you can have your keratin that way. Leave the poor rhinos alone. The other reality with rhinos - they are predictable. They are easily hunted as they have certain daily routines that will often result in them returning to the same spot in the territory on a regular basis. When a poacher is able to identify one of these locations, all they have to do is wait. 

So, I really don't know what to do. I have lots of far off ideas of what we could do to the poachers who are caught, unscientific ideas of how we could help the rhino to protect itself, but really, I have no idea what to do. So, here's my little way of making more people aware. These are some of the rhinos we saw this past weekend. We saw two rhino calves as well as a number of adult rhinos. The reality - it is entirely possible that at least one of these rhinos won't make it through the year. I am leaving it to people more educated than myself to figure out what to do, but awareness is a start. I just hope that at least some of you will also have the opportunity to see a rhino in the wild some time in the future and that there are still rhinos out there for you to see. 

See that calf - yep, it's nursing. 

Rhinos like mud. A lot. Sorry that this one is not really in focus, but that's what happens sometimes. 

Rhinos are kind of easy to see. They are big and lumber around a lot.